Wednesday, February 13, 2008 . 20:08
Looking back at all the things i have been through. I tried very hard and gave my best. All this while i have been pursuing with my heart and soul. Just hoping to find the right one. Is it that hard? I have been waiting and waiting. It just tired me out. Why can't i just get the love i want? Having so much in my heart to pour for that special one person yet it come to nothing in the end. Am i that bad or what ? Am i gay ? Am i too feminine? Oh goshhh... i don't want all this. Reaching for the top alone is useless.. All these joy, all these pain and yet who can i share them with ? People around me are getting attached. I feel useless. My words carries no strength, my actions are flawed while my life is empty. I believe i don't deserve to fall in love. There is a feeling in my heart, an itch, a silent whisper. Feeling so raw like it have always been. I just want something simple. I want to be a househusband to give them my all. I want to provide. But the whisper said : " You don't deserve it all. " I feel ugly! Yucks ! Julian. sigh!