Words in tune to the sounds of E ?

2010-05-02T12:01:00.004+08:00

~when we were small~

I just can't understand the ways,

The ways things were all wrapped up and given away.

Still i didn't have a clue,

Of when we were small.

Because I am a child.

Hitherto,

Julien.L

2010-04-20T11:52:00.002+08:00

Well i have been here before,

Sat on floor,

In a grey grey mood,

and all that i write is a grey grey tune.

~Out of the my heart speaks of a foolish hope~

My half,
I yet to find you,

In foolish hope,

I will wait.

Sorry people, thats why i am Julien
Julien.L

Distasteful

2010-04-15T01:42:00.001+08:00

Distasteful Julien, Distasteful.

It happens when i think i could,

Julien.L

2010-04-07T00:03:00.004+08:00

˜I knew this would happen yet i still do it.˜

A foolish feeling begets a foolish thought,

which in turn forms a foolish action,

ending off with a foolish reaction,

leaving behind a

fool.

Reminiscing

of all the dejection,

leaves behind a bitter after taste,

yet it weakens and strengthen this boy,

to realize that it was never fair to begin with.

"Forget the former Things;

do not dwell on the past."

Isaiah 43: 18

2010-03-31T21:48:00.002+08:00

˜J.L-side by J.L-side˜

Liken a fleeting moment,

side by side we stood,

a moment so close to you

that shook my entire existence.

I was breathless,

trying to stifle a inner smile.

As our elbows met,

bliss reacted with anxiousness.

Time stood still for me,

yet time escaped so quickly.

All i am was just a stranger by Vorte side,

Je knows Vorte name.

Mustering of Je single cowardice courage,

that Je be known to thy.

Thy name lingers in every possible existence,

Je will make his way towards you.

Julien.L

2010-03-31T14:17:00.004+08:00

~These Friends of mine~

These friends of mine,

live their lives,
spend their time,
hoping to find.

Yet, these friends of mine
they have lives,

they work hard,
to live them right.

And when the show is over,
oh i hope that they discover,

the joy that they bring to me,

still makes me high.

And i hope they remember,

this bond we have together.

Maybe i needed this time,

to be reminded for myself.

~In simple words~

Time to move on from these friends of mine.

Good bye.

I am no longer your bitch.

The very moment still lingers,

Your name stayed and resounded.
Julien.L

2010-03-24T22:28:00.002+08:00

Ugly Julian,

open up your eyes,

Today gonna be a perfect day.

Like those kind,

that would melt your heart.

Like those kind,

that would you be wanting to cuddle up inside.

Ugly Julian,

the stars align for you,

the rest is up to what you made or do with it.

Like those kind,

that would take your breathe away,

Like those kind,

the would you be wanting to make a wish.

Ugly Julian.

Please be smiling,

Cause you are beautiful inside.

Julien.L

2010-03-24T13:20:00.001+08:00

˜A man in the reflection˜

A mirror can never be seen through,

just like this man here.

Apart from the crusty appearance,

lies a heart,

a fragile heart yearning for love.

Just a light nudge,

a little knock.

However don't keep me hanging,

as this boy is stupid for anything.

For a moment,

i thought i got you under my spell.

Only with you i am perfect.

yet,

All of my life i stumble,

Grueling myself so that i wouldn't fail to give to others.

Julien.L

2010-03-18T13:39:00.004+08:00

Did it ever occur to you?

That i gave my heart,

at the very first meeting,

when i see your face in the subtle darkness.

According to you,

I am not the man for you,

I am just a nice guy and i can get someone better.

and

According to you,

I can't give you happiness,

I can find someone better

We aren't make for one another.

According to you.

But,

According to her,

I am the funny and interesting.

she likes my smile and hope i would see her.

and

According to her,

She wish i could hold her in my arms,

She wants me.

But right now, what is this same feeling.

I gave you all i could
but
we just so far away.
Happiness is a pursuit if we dare.

According to me now.

In the colours that i knew and once know.
Thy former glory shines

Julien.L

2010-03-15T14:25:00.004+08:00

"Hello, hello ?"
I whispered into the silent telephone.

"Its not that i don't like it, its just that i am kinda busy."

"Sometimes i just wanted some time just to be alone,

just to think about how it gonna be.

Not that its hard to figure out, its actually just, just quite simple."

I sang to the music into the receiver.

Patiently i waited for the moment,

"another step, another step closer" I murmured.

Cross the line and say

"_ - _ _ _ _ - _ _ - _ _ - _ _ _ _ - _ _ _ . "

Gentle whispers to a broken heart, brings about a smile to thy soul.
Julien.L

2010-03-10T00:33:00.002+08:00

'Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,' he told me,

'Just remember that all the people in this world haven't

had the advantages you've had.'

*from 'The Great Gatsby'

Blessed i was to begin with,

Fate was bias,

Destiny choreographed thy flattered dance,

Fluttering i float amongst those dreamy lairs.

yet,

Dreams kindled by passion,

A love to give,

Unmasked facet without dressy words.

Hitherto,

distant.

Everything that is of you is everything that is of me.

Julien.L

2010-03-02T16:45:00.005+08:00

Yet another year older,

Settled upon candle less,

Unknowingly cake less,

Dancing atune to a melancholic touch.

Once upon a time,

a boy sang

"Here's a song,

for the kid,

who aim so high,

that he shot her down."

Happy Birthday Julian of 23rd year.
Hitherto.

Julien.L

2010-02-25T11:27:00.003+08:00

Last night dreams,

I held your hands,

and asked if you would be.

And we both know,

You are everything i need,

Now i know,

What you did to me.

She change my life,

She clean my up,

She found my heart,

She pulls me up,

Like only a women can.

She is kind of perfect in everyway

kind of all the things that i am not,

I am not perfect,

and i did alot of stupid things.

~~~~

Yet just another boy,

who hides his face,

a geek which brings no attention,

a man whose romance lies in his heart.

Would you choose him,

Would you see him,

Maybe he will find his way.

This boy gone stupid for you.

do allow him sing his melodies.

In the words of the most flowery accent.
Julien.L

2010-02-01T11:25:00.002+08:00

Halfway there,
yet not relenting a single step,
Felt a tangible feel of it ,
yet in awe of its uncertainess.

A dream birthed from passion,
a calling to give,
no one had understood,
no one had waited,

A burden upon my life,
that i shouldn't make the young lass,
carry upon her falling beauty.

Hitherto,
i cooed.

Embrace thy uncertainty in flimsy apprehension
Julien.L

2010-01-18T17:30:00.005+08:00

There is a song in my heart,

Which i wrote over and over again,

There is a melody in your heart,

Would you sing it over and over again?

Those love songs that haunts me

As you spun my world,

and in a drizzled dance i swirled.

Where boy loves girl and girl loves boy.

I think i found a better place to start,

You are the voice that's in my head.

Julien.L

2010-01-15T14:49:00.002+08:00

And so this is christmas,

what have you done,

another year over,

a new one just begun.

So this is christmas,

hope you have fun.

A very merry Christmas

and

a Happy New Year,

lets hope its a good one,

without any fears.

Dated: 25/12/2009

Julien.L

2009-12-14T16:00:00.005+08:00

words that filled the heart with regrets,
stains it's life with nevermore,
truth is selective for those who are present,
in the particular scene of the story.

Rumors kill the young man,
yet,
Rumors kill my dream.

Reconsider the truth you heard,
ask him and he shall reply,
with the answers you thought you knew.

Weight his words,
know his heart,
Maybe then you could see him then?

How malicious those stuff are which clings onto him.

Its pains him.
The gossips of unfactous events
which others link
and
which he had close..

2009-11-16T01:10:00.004+08:00

My Star Lover

The boy who became a blade of grass,
cupid had struck him and his roots were grounded.
Blinded by light above,
wishing he could see her once.

The girl who became a star in the sky,
cupid had struck her and she shine ever brightly,
Being high above where she couldn't see well,
she never realise,

that they met....

i won't disappear like they do,
i won't hide in the moment of your demise,
i won't shun in the midst of your burning light,

Julien.L says he would stay by you.

2009-11-12T11:39:00.009+08:00

When A man loves a woman,

He can't keep his mind on anything else.

He would trade the world for the treasure he had found.

Even when she is bad, he is blinded and wouldn't look.

in his eyes, nothing she ever do can be wrong.

A man turns his back on his best friend if he ever put her down.

When A man loves a woman,

He spends his very last dime trying.......

2009-10-21T18:26:00.002+08:00

MY MOTIVE

I have been giving,
I have been loving.

When will it be my turn?

I waited to yearn.

When will it be my turn to be loved in return?

My words don't tally with my heart said.

My motive is liken to a crumpled tissue after you clean off your dirt from me.

Whenever i look at her,
I feels that i am looking at myself,
I have lost sight of myself ,
Julien.L

2009-10-16T13:55:00.003+08:00

Hearing your voice,

Listening to your laughter.

Why am i still here?

I should be by your side right now

Boy + Girl = Love

Girl :) = Boy : )

Girl :( = Boy :( + working hard = to make Girl : )

oh well... will there be a day when you look into my eyes,

saying " You should have been with me"

The only reply i could think off is

"silly girl, its never too late to start now. Cause you belong with me. Lets start our story."

I don't need your sympathy,

I just want your happiness.

Just want to see you smiling,

as it make me smile.

2009-10-08T23:54:00.004+08:00

Every now and then when i watch you,
I wish that i could tell you i want you.

Oh let it be,
Only once,
Let me try only once,
Only once will i find the right person.

Don't slip by me,
Don't stifle a laughter and hide from me,
i been yearning all this while,
Just for a chance with you.

Why don't you see?
that there is only once,
and once its over,
it will never be
again
once upon a time..........

I miss you.
Can't get my mind off you.
I just want to see a smiling you.
Julien.L likes you.

2009-10-06T22:42:00.003+08:00

She got the best of both world,

She could take down or raise a man easily,

However her style is quite selective,

yet her mind is rather reckless.

Please don't mind my nerve,

You can call it fiction,

Cause i like being submerge in your contradiction dear,

What a mess it is.

I been thinking of changing my mind,

It never stays the same for long,

But of all things I know for sure,

You're the certain one,

I want to make you mine,I want to make you mine.

Words are paraphrasing our relationship.

Julien.L

2009-09-29T23:15:00.006+08:00

What's the use if my words rhythms,
what's the point if i can write,
what's the point.

Yet my words,
can't reach you.
can't touch you.

You don't see,

you don't feel,

How am i to convey all this feelings,
its all bottled up and can be only change to words.
yet only my words can't make you feel what i feel,

So what if i got the nicest word,
what good would it brings if i can't make my words reach you.

2009-09-27T21:13:00.002+08:00

I like the view up here,
seeing your smile,
Its like a movie scene,
Which i wanna freeze.

People doesn't see,
People doesn't know,
What i see in it,
Its just for me to know.

~Its like a new disease~

2009-09-22T23:06:00.002+08:00

She's the girl that got me crazy now,
its driving me mad,
going around,
i don't know what to do.

She's the one and i want to see her smile,
its doesn't matter what it takes,
i just want to let her be herself,
i like how she smile.

When she isn't smiling,
the skies are gloomy with rain,

When she is smiling,
the flowers bloom brightly,

I wish i could take out my mind,
wash it clean of the day before,
that i wouldn't remember at all,
and i could see you again,
and say

"hello, i am Julian, you are ? "

Acceptance ain't about whats waiting on the other side,
its the climb.
By: Isabella, xiaoling

2009-09-21T14:25:00.002+08:00

If i ask would you say yes?

I doubt so.

It was all my fault to begin with,
I thought i could,

How i wish you could just be me for a day?

Nothing i say truly carries any weight, as my surroundings whispers,
and those whispers are those that made the decisions for me.

I learn, i understand, i see it all.

A sweet beginning a bitter end.

I just realized i lost a friend and myself.
is avoiding the best way?
Forgetting you isn't the best option for me.

Yet those feeling bottled up inside, how can i convey it,
you won't hear, you won't feel, you won't see,
i can keep writing,
yet to what good is that,
when you won't see.

Its easily to kill a man but its hard to build him up again,

A fool to begin
to chase,

i have nothing, nothing truly i have is mine.

How long have i harbor for you?
everyone thinks they know,
everyone one judge you,

its not your fault,
it was all mine to start with,
the only fault i could find is that,
your beauty and charm.
i fall for you!

2009-09-20T11:08:00.002+08:00

You might be the only source of sunshine in my heart,
when will i see you smiling at me again,
how can i convey what i feel,
if i am so bold, i would asked you to hold my heart,

if you said its all a lie, can it all go back to square one?
forgetting you isn't the best option for me,
cause you don't know where you stand now.

~if you could just be me for today~

Julian.L

2009-09-15T20:19:00.002+08:00

You might think i don't look,
but deep inside,
at the corner of my heart,
i am attached to you,

You don't know what you do,
every time you walk into the room,
i am afraid to move,

I am weak, its true,
i am just scare to know the ending,

Do you see me too?

Do you know you even met me ?

Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line
and everybody feels a broken heart sometime
Even when i'm scared i have to try to fly

2009-09-05T11:13:00.003+08:00

What is this feeling?
that i feeling right inside?

a red hot burning,
that i can't help but to deny

Its eating me alive,
i can't help it.

Like a flower in the wind,
suave with the flow,
dancing to it's words,
ending in compliments.

~ A complimentary-whisper ~

Julien.L

2009-09-02T23:18:00.002+08:00

She looks into my eye,
and i am alive again.

When she say goodbye,
i just die again.

Thats when my restlessness begin.

It's liken to a garden,
if you let it grow,
but it fades away,
before you knows.

I Just Got Words,
and
an eye for thy solely.

2009-09-01T22:01:00.003+08:00

Dear,

I would sing if you had asked

hello, tell me you know,
that you have figured me out,
something gave it away,
it would be such a beautiful moment to see the look on your face,
to know that i know you know now.

But is just a case of my wishful thinking,
but you know nothing.

Well, all i really want to do is _ _ _ _ you,
A kind much closer than friends use,
But i still can't say it after all.

And all i really want is you to feel me,
As the feeling inside keeps building,
And i will find a way to you if it kills me,

Well, how long can i go on like this,
Before i rightly explode,
And this life i am leading isn't healthy for me
in fact it make me nervous

Tell you from the start how i've longed to be your man
But i never said a word i guess i am gonna miss my chance again

Intertwining like a ring around the finger of a girl,
I'm just a singer, you're the world,
all i can bring you,
is the language of a lover.
Julien.L

2009-08-30T22:57:00.002+08:00

Its silly, It's foolish.
That's what resides in me,
A mind out of its track,
A heart on an enduring road.

A far i shall be,
mesmerize by thy grace,
spread je wings over thy sorrow.
the least je could do.

2009-08-28T20:23:00.003+08:00

Living to expectation,
Living just to meet what they had set on me,
Why do people want to,
Replace me with what they want me to be,
Liken to a replacement.

Liken to a puppet,
Dancing to the puppeteer's songs,
I can't move,
I can't be,
I am just a part of their play.

A puppet by destine,
A puppeteer by none,

Carefree and easy going,
Doesn't show a lack of personality,
Being still like water,
Doesn't mean emotionless,

I have a heart,
Its not too far from what you have,
It just that i am weak in my emotions,
I don't know how to express,
I have only words to show.

I am a dreamer,
Liken life to a play,
But to a rude awakening,
I hide away,i run away.

Its not easy,
To hear the snitch of the darkness,
Speaking of which rings,
The truth of the century.

There is only one thing,
One thing that i had decided for myself,
Myself to be a giver,
Giver of life and hope,
Hope and chance,
Chance to show,
Show all i could be,
Be in the future.

2009-08-25T23:27:00.003+08:00

Julien.L sings

"I wrote this for my prettiest friend,
But while trying not to prove that i care,
I was trying not to make all my move in one motion and scare her away,

Well she can't see she's making me crazy now
I don't believe she know she's amazing how
She has me holding my breath,
That i'll never guess that i am a none such unsuitable, suited for her"

2009-08-24T00:02:00.003+08:00

Shall no longer masked my thoughts in parables just for tonight.

It just felt so nostalgia as i walked pass my old neighbourhood. I wished i could hear the laughter's and nagging of the grandma's again. The aged tree still stood by the canal, providing shelter to those who played under it. The canal is still as calm and gentle with streams of water flowing. I missed those days.

Its time for me to give back what i had earned again. Always a strong believer in reaping and sowing, i decided to put forth my strength to serve the people again. I love people, i love smiles, i love delightful people and i want to see people happy. I shall sow my time to those who are in need of it. I am too fortunate to have a life of mine.

A sense of joy and sadness along with a hint of confusion engulfed me. I am afraid i would scared my joy away, with a possibility of being able to do so brought forth confusion. Yet the end result seems like a wave of sadness.

I wish, I pray, I hope, I yearn

Earnestly

that things don't just conform to people's expectation.

With love,
Julian. L

2009-08-23T00:51:00.002+08:00

A Singular path,
with no returns,
Regrets are just foolish.

2009-08-20T15:56:00.002+08:00

20/08/09

I am a boy with two left feet,
I ain't got the slickest move,
I ain't got the groove of the move to charm you away.

But

I am a boy with words,
I got sweet heartfelt words,
I got only words of the moment to steal your heart away.

Never truly understood,
why i can't be a fool at thy sight,
but i am a fool gone wild for thy.
foolish silliness i will for thy.

A moment of the fleeting, a moment like this, some people had waited for a lifetime.

Embrace!

2009-08-18T15:55:00.003+08:00

Shall it be like before
awaits as time passes by
or
shall i be like never
grasps whats within my grips

cooed and wooed endlessly
I did not cease
somewhat pensively i chase
with quiet blending i sang of love
oh of serious faith and inward glee

\

2009-08-16T23:56:00.004+08:00

infatuated oh of serious faith,
repugnance is equate to null,
exquisite smile of her eyes,
nevertheless thy beauty flows,
expression of infancy je will do.

Amidst the flowery words only one word truly expresses

~ 18grams of love ~

To: ___________

A prelude to a sequel.......

2009-08-08T13:35:00.006+08:00

The sensation had almost a tentative feeling to it,
liken the gossamer wing of a butterfly,
brushing pass silently,
stirring up nothing in void.

Forgotten was the uncertainty,
the shyness in their place,
remained unbridled in solemness,
the journey to the end.

It was the first,
never to be taken again,
Once to it all,
till again.

Perpetual at the lost of words,
silent yet steady i acknowledge it,
the moment too soon,
like a rings of consonants,

My first,

Journey home,

With grace and serenity,

to

Clara The Java Chip Munk

2009-08-03T22:15:00.003+08:00

I am not a boy,

not yet a man to be,

ALone.

Reminisce on all the things i had done,

I would have been someone.

Dear Julien,

Alone doesn't mean you are lonely,

As per norm, you took sometime off,

Spending a few little hours alone,

Walking and strolling,

Collecting your emotions and mind again,

Many are the times huge weights lay upon thy,

Few are the times joy overtake thy heart,

Always overjoyed for the tiny sparkles in thy eyes,

yet this sparkles are like supernovas in the admist,

Always pondering on thy one,

Always praying earnestly,

Always hoping for the well,

Always ending up distracted by the tiny sparkles,

Like a miner in the mine,

Toll and Slave,

A single sparkle brings delight,

A warmness of the heart saved,

A love overflowing,

Yet,

Hirtheto,

I will still,

Toll,

Slave,

Coo,

Woo,

Yearn,

For my

Dearest

2009-07-28T22:25:00.004+08:00

Amidst the field i stood,
Singular yet similarity surrounds,
Solemnly yet brightly i awaits,
A touch from thy bee.

Once a upon a time,
An angel loves me so,

But my thoughts of yearning,
depicts a kite without a string,
Wooed and Cooed in vanity,
Yet

endlessly & aimlessly.

2009-06-30T20:09:00.002+08:00

Come sit on my wall,
and we be the greatest story of them all,
tell it like you still believe it,
that at end of the century.

that brings a change for you and me

There is nothing unusual, nothing strange
its close to nothing at all,

Just a little bit older.
Just a little bit wiser,
right here right now

Peeking through my dreams,
I see it all played out.
So much to wonder, so much to bother
just let it all fall.

Why did it fill my sorrow,
with the words they borrow.
from the only place they know.

Why they sing hallelujah,
when it mean nothing to jar,
why they sing with me at all.

I just want to be with my jar,

I will just sing my own song after all.

2009-06-23T00:57:00.002+08:00

Thinking I'm closer to the heart,
of what it means to know just who I am
Thinking I've finally found a better place to start,
But no one seems to understand,

I need to try to get to where you are,
Could it be your not that far ?

Yet,

Your the voice I hear inside my head,
The reason i am singing,
I need to find you,
I got to find you.

Your the missing piece i need,
The song inside of me,
I need to find you,
I got to you.

Replaying and repeating, the phrase of feelings, the song in my head.A tape that doesn't stop.

What does that mean?

There is no point in hiding myself no more.

I always been that kind of boy that hid my face, so afraid to tell the world what i gotta do. But i have this dream, right inside of me. I going to let it show, tell the world. It's time for you to know.

That this is me, this is real. I m feeling what i am suppose to be, now i'm gonna take my chances. Now i found, who i know, yet there's no where to hold it in. No point in hiding who i wanna be with...

~Where are you? I have been searching. yet i still can't find you. I am tired.~

2009-05-30T22:16:00.003+08:00

Got to move on,
To be who i am,
I don't belong here,
I hope you understand,

we will find our place,
in the world someday,
but at least for now,
I got to go my way.

Yet i don't want to leave it all behind,
But if i get my hopes to high,
i got to watch them fall everytime,

Colours turn grey,
the wind blow loneliness,
I'm leaving today.

you'll be ok

Can't help but wait

2009-05-28T00:21:00.003+08:00

~I can't help but wait....till~

When did i last glance at your face?
thought that ,
in my heart, in my breathe

How far the distance,
thought that,
your shadow encompasses me,

Tears dried,
thought that
feelings, i can't understand,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At my weakest moment who will see it,
who would know?
my tears dried, my heart brokenness?

I wish i could say,

Stay near me - do not take thy flight
A little longer stay in sigh,
Much converse do i find in thee
Historian of my infancy.

And of steady bliss, he sang of love,
To a prequel to that sequel.

2009-05-25T22:17:00.003+08:00

Substitute?

Spare?

Back up?

Fatally flat i am,
I'm easily bored,
is that okay?

Write me off your list?
Make this the last kiss,
I walk away.

Let's pretend we never met!

Done and Finish.
Its an end.
We deserve better,

A road trip,
A journey of emotions,
Planned routes or Alternate routes?

Dedicated to Matt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh! Get me away from i am dying,
Play me a song to set me free
Nobody writes them like they used to
So it may as well be me.

Julian.L

2009-05-18T22:42:00.002+08:00

A subtle voice nudge the anchor of my soul,
Craters of my heart shaken,
Eyes blinded, steps frozen.

Once, twice, here at the line,
Yet who will be there to pull me across,
Times i struggle to cross,
Many left and went by,

Bear the cross?
the people celebrate,
Abandon the cross?
the people change.

Feet driven into grounds or
Feet that flee at every turns?

Will one be courageous when i am timid,
Will one pull me when i am stuck,
Will one take initiative when i am afraid,
Will one be the guy when i am the girl,
Will there ever be one?

Julian.L

2009-05-13T00:37:00.004+08:00

Row row row the boat
gently down the stream,

Thy as the boat, keeps the water at bay,
The clamorous wave may bring you along a shady shore,
Independently Thy might survive, in fellowship Thy is strong.

Je as the oar, as small as mon can be,
Let Je gentle touch be a guide and move Thou to Thy dreams,
Without Je, Thy might survive, yet with Thy we are as one.

Sampan.

Julian.L

2009-05-11T23:31:00.002+08:00

Words unmasked, Unmasked words are true,
True to myself, Myself to true are moves,
Moves reveal, Reveal moves my heart,
Heart pounding, Pounding heart just catches my breathe,
Breathe emotion, Emotion breathe through it all.

It just simple,

Someone once say

"Nothing is too little for me"

Julian.L

2009-05-01T14:15:00.006+08:00

~Dinner at Thai Express~

~Mesmerizing~

~Hmmmmm~

~ Don't tell mummy! ~

A rendezvous that never ends,
yet it ended so briefly.
Thy touch still lingers on mon bare skin,
Thy fragrance engraved into mon heart.

Leave me not, for Je say, but not for Je to decree
Let's not chance upon and jump to the sidewalk.

Chance have been toying for years,
not quite ready yet,
to become their destiny,
it pushed them close, drove them apart,
it barred their path,
stifling a laugh,
and leap aside.

However,
Every beginning is only a sequel, after all,
the book of events,
is always open halfway through.....

Julian.L

2009-04-25T00:10:00.002+08:00

Je heart flutters as Thy lean towards Je.
Such a short moment, such a brief splendor,
Je tried to freeze the moment we had,
yet time wasn't for Je to control.

At the destination where we arrived,
Je had to see Thy leave,
All Je could see was Thy back.

Yet,
How enchanting is Thy smile,
How lovely is Thy eyes,
How luxurious is Thy lips,
How amazing is Thy touch,
Thy had stole Je heart in an instant.

Words that Je couldn't speak,
Meanings Je couldn't express,
All that been contained in Je heart for too long.

Je wants to..............

Julien. L

2009-04-02T20:56:00.004+08:00

A dream i had, my child it was, nurtured it was what i did and i was proud of it Sloughing hard in tears and pain, finally a glimpse of hope appear. Short lived was my child. How could i see my child cruelly and harshly being shot to death. I was incapable, weak and feeble to savage it. Involuntarily forced to bear whole scene right in front of me.

I yearn for it and i wanted to protect it yet i am not strong enough.

Now i had to embrace a child which wasn't mine to begin with.

The failure of my life

Fading into depression,
i cut my dream,
i cut my life,
its bleeding,
its turning pale.
yet its heals,
to form a scar.
that remains
till i falls into
the wooden box,
sealed with nail,
covered with dirt,
erected by a stone,
overgrown with grass.
remember me not,

for i am nameless,
for i am worthless,
for i am soundless.

The death of melancholy.

Julien.L

2009-04-01T22:31:00.003+08:00

I pray to God you"ll give me one more chance girl.

Yet all i could do is sing a sweet serenade for you

I"ll be there for you
These five words i swear you
When you breathe i want to be the air for you

I"ll be there for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I"ll be there for you

This man here is dying,
His heart is bleeding,
But you can't see his blood.

He is a fighter,
yet without you he just gave up.

He can't sing a love song,
like it meant to be,

I"ll be there
till the sun don't shine

Till the heaven burst and
the words don't rhyme.

I am all about words. Thats what i am all about. Just words.

Julien.L

2009-03-15T17:28:00.002+08:00

when passion arrive,
you don't have to hide, you don't have to run.
there is no need to chase, no need to wooed.
yet not being able to catch it would be the fear.

I am use to being alone, i am use to eating alone,
I learn to live alone, i learn to speak alone.
I walk alone,I travel alone.
I sleep alone, I sing alone.
Alone i write, Alone i read.
i write poems alone, I write songs alone.

hitherto

that's Julian.

Julien. L

The accent of the floweriest tone.

2009-03-09T23:47:00.002+08:00

One word, two say, three alphabets, four events.
A singular word that pushes all the happenings,
encumbered with word yet the action speaks it all,
would the result of that word be a new beginning or another hope?

The word that brings me through it all is

"YES"

Julien. L

2009-02-24T21:31:00.003+08:00

yearning for a pastoral life,
at a dell where i will dwell,
afar from the grandeur,
words and lyrics are my chattels,

will that be enough,
enough to entice thy heart,

dreams and dreams filled my pockets,
empty pockets full of dreams are my best-est.
soaring sky seems within my reach,
what a fool was i.

yet steady bliss, and all of love,
i did not cease but chases and wooed,
somewhat pensively i wooed,
sang of love, with quiet blending,
slow to begin, and never ending,
of thoughtful faith, and inward glee
that was my song to begin with.

Julien. L

2009-02-18T20:42:00.007+08:00

Why je heart quivers, why je faith forsakes?

A mo amid Aleksander Michailovich Ivanov-Kramskoy melody,

Portray the forlorn of je heart.

Words, countless words, encumbered words are all je have.

Are they enough, are they worthy to win thy heart.

Absolutely je am uncertain, je am lost.

Thy light thy smile might just set all wrongs right.

moment me voler ma chance de vous connaître,

une fois, jamais plus je laisse le faire une fois de plus.

je vais me battre i va courir après vous.

Vous êtes mes spéciale tournesol.

tous ses secrets.

Yours sincerely,
Julien. L

2009-02-15T00:49:00.001+08:00

2009-02-14T14:42:00.003+08:00

and it goes to show that the moral of the story is boy loves girl,
the ways that is unfolded is yet to be told.
the ending should be left alone.

Happy and a happier man am i. Got 4 goody G2000 shirts for kinda cheap!
four goody pastel colours!

throbbing sensation, discomfort felt.
my lower torso hurts!
time have yet proven its the winner of them all.

Julien.L

2009-02-12T23:45:00.001+08:00

Resolution

illusions and once used to be had passes by in a fleeting moments of them all,
helplessly with my thoughts,
yet avoiding confrontation just lacks tact in a situation.
there is a time to fight, a time to retreat and a time of ignorance.
my resolution had been re-enforce by that sparkles of their words.

To: them & them & them & them

Singings

She had me holding my breathe,
I don't believe she know how amazing is she,
I making it sound foolish and even it's mushy.
being brave i should had been,
but all those light could make one blind.

If you gonna ask me, this is just too overwhelming.
Hitherto let things happened that so naturally.

Julien.L

2008-11-02T21:12:00.010+08:00

Chasing wasn’t my forte yet dreaming would be good. Leaving on a jet plane to a far away continent, to a place where I couldn’t go. Waiting patiently, the waiting starts once again. There might be a gap in all yet bridging it won’t be easy.

See is to believe, hearing isn’t everything to me. Hitherto I will still be trying. Picture perfect wasn’t ideal at all. I fell much deeper than I had imagined.

Y…. Maybe you are the one.Can i give you a windmill ?

2008-09-12T23:54:00.008+08:00

In a manner of speaking, I just wanted to say, I could never forget the way. That silence told me everything by saying nothing. The way I am felling ohhh it’s beyond what words can say. Give me the words that tell me everything

In a manner of speaking I should find a way to tell you everything, just by saying nothing.

This is life in September, quiet nights, quiet stars and I am here wondering about something. Because you are fragile and I am weak, so fall when the nights go younger, go to sleep, you will wake up. I am here sitting and I will wait till spring.

So you drift when the days grow colder, away from me, to look your back. Far away I may guide but I am here until spring.

2008-09-09T20:35:00.002+08:00

Like a quiet flower in the summer breeze,

Hidden in the shadow portray by the tree,

Floating along the line of amity,

I was lost in your grace.

2008-09-07T22:44:00.002+08:00

The world I woke up to today was distorted. Baffled by the settings around me, I just stared into the void. The first three hours of my day was spent in solitary. Feeling grumpy and sulky, I headed out. I walked, I shopped and I kept pondering.

Something was missing in my life, I felt dejected.

Was it you who spoke the words that things will happen but not to me,

Oh see I’m all about them words,

Unencumbered numbered words,

Pages and pages of words,

Much more words I had ever heard off.

Don’t be fool my words, because they are only words.

And it’s all that I have now.

oh well, I will still continue singing my songs and walking on.

However ......

I am still willingly to risk it all.

2008-09-02T23:48:00.001+08:00

Out one day, walking one day. Out one day.....

Just a very random phrase that goes through my mind.

I have been idler for a month. Being inclined to my lazy nature, causes my blog to turn stagnant. The month of august was amazing. I enjoyed August. But but the last day of August was an unexpected turn.

Never did I know, never did I expected.. I am blessed by the turn of events. Things usually happened but it would not happened to me.. Hitherto things happened so naturally. :)

My days in September brightens up. I felt driven and all ready to give my best. I was perked up, energized and tuned up.

You rock my sock,
Your character is contagious,
Your passion brings a smile to me,

~Allure~

2008-07-27T22:48:00.004+08:00

Life seems to come to a stand still. Everything is not moving. Nothing much excites me.Days like days drag the day longer. I dislike this feeling.Whenever this moment comes, thoughts flooded my mind.Why ain't I taking the chances?All the lovely dovely stuff really make me yearn for one too.

Somehow this is what I really feel;

Every time I think of you,
I get shot right through
into a bolt of blue(depressed,dejected,low,fed up)

It's no problem of mine truly,
But it's a problem I find,
trying to leave a life I can't leave behind.

Friends there's really no sense in telling me,
The wisdom of a fool won't set me free
That's the way that it goes
and it's what nobody really knows.

It's just everyday my confusion grows.

I feel fine & I feel good.
But I feel like I never should.
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say.
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday.

Every time I think of you
I get down on my knees and pray.

Just waiting for the final moment you said the words that I can't said.

Julian.L

2008-07-17T23:27:00.001+08:00

I, I don't know why.
I, I miss you so much.

You, you left me feeling high and dry.
You, you knew what you were doing to me

And

I,I guess I was too blind to see.
Blind to see what you are doing to me.

Yet you, had another direction.
Leaving me with nothing but a dead connection.

If I were to call you,
I'll say that I'm fine,

But you can't tell by the tone of my voice, it's just a lie.

It hurts. But I would do it again to relive what we had.

~The Canopy Promise~

I will hold up to it.

Will you hold up to it? Don't lead me on to a place where, where it's timeless for me.I may be another option,choice yet why placed me in the shopping cart?
Lukewarmness is not right for me. Please either be hot or cold.

Julian.L

2008-07-11T00:15:00.001+08:00

I ransacked through my past e-mails and I came across a folder named “My Beautiful Process”. The stuff that filled the folder would either make me smile at my foolishness, wondering about sweetness, remember how is it to be love, the pangs of pain of losing a love one and lastly wept in sorrows. This mysterious folder is my pride of yesterday and the shadow of yesteryear. It may well be a baggage whom one might discarded it long ago. It still rock my world.

The date approaches slowly. Flipping through the mails, I realized that it all began on the same day. Being brought together on the same date but we still parted unknowingly. It had been four years. That's kinda long. We all have grown up and yet.. sigh.

Then was then while my words was filled with passion and adoration. It was the turning point. The prelude to all that I am now. The beginning of the story. Gay was still the word and now it is still the word for me.

This poem of the yesteryear was sent and was charged with feelings I couldn't comprehend. It's all too late for me realize it now. I lost a part of me to you.

I still miss you. I still pray.

But I know it such an inconvenient truth for you.

Little Things
by Eric W.

So often I tend to notice things,
And cannot help but think of you
A certain flower or a baby`s smile
Something as silly as the color blue
Or a morning`s breeze across my face,
Like your gentle whisper in my ear
The rubbing on of a certain scent,
And I swear it`s just like you`re here

And the little things that often pass,
Without a second thought or wonder why
Later seem to mean so much
So dear to my heart it makes me cry
A song who's lyrics can open my love
Unleashing such feelings for you
I picture us dancing so close, so tight
And how all my dreams have come true

As the sun fades, day gives way to night,
And the stars begin to shine,
I see each sparkle from inside your eyes,
And that`s how I know that you`re mine
It`s the simple things like this,
That though apart, I continue to see
I pray for the day we`re together as one
And share all these "little things" with me

Julian L.

2008-07-07T23:03:00.000+08:00

It was such an abrupt start to the sleepy Monday morning with dreams hanging in halt. Why does the yearning increases as the day approaches. My motivation is brandish with flame of determination to head on without looking back. Grant me the mental capabilities and physical power to go by and through it.

Skinning of the surface just reveals what mechanism is working underneath the façade.

HEY,
I didn’t want to lose this chance,
Because I will never know when it will come by again.
I am Julian.

Signed: Julian L.

2008-07-04T23:21:00.003+08:00

Feelings that was hidden deep now resurface to haunt. I can't possible fool myself any longer. As much as I yearn to break free from this self-devouring cycle, I am actually not covering any grounds at all. Maybe it's just the time of the year again. The 196 day of the year is coming closer. The date that hold too much of my mystery and my pain.

This is the date that I would like to rejoice in and yet collapse into emotions overhaul.

Every single moment, I really would like to confess; to me you are perfect. I can't just do that. It will just spoil everything that I had been carefully protecting. I look like I don't bother, I don't even want to speak about. But the truth I know, I am not ready for anything.

Does it take someone else to set me free from this mental encasement? Someone to steal the ideal from me?

There seems to be a barrier that somehow unbreakable. Is it the past? Or does the future had something intricate install for us?

Personally I would like to take the past as memories, the future as an adventure but the present as a gift.

Would you like to be part of it?

I am still me. If I had change, I wonder to what extend will that be?

Still a dreamer that floats in my world of fantasy. Aimless and naive. Would circumstances force me to be take things the other way round? Do I really have to do it and cause some unpleasantness? Yet I will give it a pass. I ain't cut out for it.

Still a jewel?

2008-06-22T22:52:00.001+08:00

A dream struck my mind. Reality and fantasy is just a line apart. I woke up to find my mind impede of its function. It was so real! I really yearn for it. Yet it’s such a far cry from ideal.

Complexity is yet simplicity.

The reader read out of his perspective in the view of his own.

2008-06-21T23:21:00.003+08:00

Beautiful and gorgeous people are all around me. Smiles and frowns. Everyone is dating, everyone's having fun.

I have become lonely. Friends are having different schedule, lifestyle and commitments.

I want to break free from this cycle. I am just a homely man.

Staring within my reach,
Grasping within my means,
Fear in my heart,
Yet courage prevails in my soul.
Lonesome.

2008-06-18T20:47:00.001+08:00

Just moments before I entered the room my pulse were racing, adrenaline rushed, blood gushed into my brain and i was hysterical. A sense of untold anticipation surrounds me. It was like the time of my life again.

Things haven't been looking good for me. Life isn't that smooth sailing at all. I struggled, I fought, I worked, I crack my skull and I am still alive. Many things filled my mind with doubts. I have many goals in life, yet when will I achieve them all. New goals will just appear as I grow older.

Time had go by me, when will it be my next opening? Do I feel liberated by that? I don't think likewise. Is everything still fine for you? Is everything coming into place in your life? I do hope so.

I just remember, Julian actually means youthful one. I am getting old but I am still young at heart. Childish at times?

Without wax,
Julian

2008-06-08T17:10:00.000+08:00

Sunday is the best!! I get to see her again, thou it’s just for the second time. Even it’s just a short min or stealing a glance. It’s all worth while.

Next week, next week!! Definitely I will make my move.

She has the lips of an angel, eyes that steals my heart, a smile that enchant me, and a look that is still so mystifying.

What would I do?

She is a guitar teacher, she teaches music theory and she look like my age.

Oh my… I have gone stupid and dumb. Being an adult and having such a teenage feeling.

Hitherto,

it began with a glance,

Move on with a smile,

Spark on by chemistry,

And it had just electrocuted me!

I AM GOING TO EXPLODE!!!

2008-06-01T22:44:00.001+08:00

I met an angel. Her eyes carry such a gentle softness and her smile brought such unusual warmth. It had been quite some time since I last felt this. Butterflies exploded in my tummy. My pulsing was racing. Yet it just another meeting of the strangers.

I have locked our memories in the past with yet those entirely familiar scenes that kept playing in my mind. My friends said that I have change and a hint of loneliness follows me.

Perhaps I didn’t put in my best effort, I didn’t cherish before, I shouldn’t have let go then.

Without you, I don’t have the love I yearn for. The rest doesn’t matters anymore. Those days without you, had confined me in a maze. I miss your smile and when will it be again we meet?

It’s too late to realize that happiness had just passed by….

2008-05-19T21:37:00.000+08:00

I had always been yearning for the life across the single. I guess I was wrong in my mindset which causes me to retain my status. I felt I can’t commit much right now, and what I asked for is just too much. Changes are just part and parcel of life; however my priority is to get my career straighten out.

Finally I got my lazy ass off the ground to start cleaning up my room. I change some of the furniture placing yet its still messy.

I went shopping with Piles, Ben and Darren on Saturday. We had a great lunch, follow by some chick viewing. Wow….. Singapore’s girls are looking great recently. I brought a long sleeve which look so handsome on me, and Burberry berms which felt like boxer.

Saturday was a day filled with fun and awkwardness. I had a good laugh after that. It was Jin Fan’s birthday. I was the chef again!! Moi chicken wings still won over the crowd, followed by crazy drinking and playing by the pool. Many got wet but I survived!!!

To Bee,

All we had was just one summer, when will we meet once again.
But like they say the world keeps turning.
As the leaves would’ve fallen, we should fall apart.
Reminiscence of all the silly things I had done, firstly was composing you a poem.
For you I will accomplish all that’s impossible.
Hitherto thy name still remains enchanting.
Your beautiful smile is worth it all.
When the final day comes, I know the angles will see.

By, Sunflower

2008-05-10T22:37:00.005+08:00

Piles &I.

Mummy & I.

Daddy & I.

OCT 2

The Zulu OCT

It had been a good 7 to 8 months in training. I had forged many great friendship and brotherhood. I learned many invaluable lessons of life. Countless reminder to be at the best still rings in my mind. Where will i go from here ? Come what may, every new phase is just another challenge. Giving my best in all, i will have no more regrets even if i had failed.

This love we had will not return once it had go by us.
Hitherto to this date i am still awaiting in silence.
This love we had had came to an end for you and yet an encumbrance to me.
Forevermore i am still unable to discard this love.
In the end i am still yours....

2008-04-27T21:52:00.002+08:00

I gave a thought about my current situation. The only metaphor i could relate it to would be like taking a bus.

I am waiting at the bus stop for the bus i would like to board. The first bus came and it's not air condition. The second bus came and it's too crowded. It's getting late and a random bus came and i got on. I got on the wrong bus. Will i alight and waited for the bus i wanted or carry on?

From this scenario it looks like i been waiting for the perfect bus for too long. I have already started walking instead of waiting for the bus. Where would i be right now?

OBS was such a thrill and a FABULOUS experience for me. Learned about leadership and many more. I felt that my physical and mental limits had been expanded. I never knew pulau ubin have such a beautiful view. Got to be there again someday.

Feeling like I'm A Flower, Soaking In The Rain,
If I Could Wish One Thing, I'd Hear You Call My Name,

Tell Me Girl, Where Are You Now,
'Cos I Don't Know How Much Longer I can Wait
I'm A Dreamer, Waiting For The Sun,
When You're Coming In, I know My Life's Begun,
Tell Me Girl...

You Know That All My Life I've Been Waiting,
Waiting For Some, Someone Like You To Love Me,
You Can't Come By Like An Angel, Into My Life,
And then Fly Away, Fly Away,

So When Will I See Your Face Again ?

2008-04-06T18:46:00.002+08:00

If i say i could fly, i will never come back down again. I have only eye for the blue,blue sky. I have not learn what is sadness about. Even the feelings i have must be expressed with words. As i awake from my dream into an unknown world.

You know if you can just make it through, you will find what you seek. So keep trying to break free to that blue,blue sky.

Yesterday when i was at lavender i witness a man falling down and had injured his head. There was a deep cut and blood was just flowing. He was in a state of shock. This situation just spur me onwards to my dream. I wished i could help. I wished i could lend a helping hand. I wanted to take away his pain.

People asked, people questioned, people seek, people searched and yet it's still a mystery to me.

A simple word, a simple smile,
It just made my day.
Music, arts and all,
isn't about the person,
all about the feelings.

2008-03-29T19:31:00.003+08:00

There had been so many important people in my life. Many of those we got close and ended up strangers. What am i doing? I don't know what is going either. I once had everything i needed. I left them behind and went on to another life. I know it sounded silly to think it in this manner...

My future seem dim and yet dark. I understand and plan my path but circumstances are not in my favor. Why do i live to regret right now? Where is the old sun shining boy? Guess he had grown up to be an gloomy old man.

When i was bathing, a stupid thought just came over me. Since your life is useless, why not end it. It isn't fun for you anymore and living will make no difference. Why live? What a dangerous trick there. Almost fell for it. Crazy thought. Even i am useless to myself i am still useful to someone else. Will i fall into depression or just another silence slumber.

Wow....this week isn't a wholly wonderful week to begin with anyway.

If i am given the chance again, i will cherish those who are important to me. I still miss those days with you. where are u right now? I gave up so i will just be a shadow of your past that you are ashame of. I knew i was never for you. But to me you are perfect. That's enough.

A fleeting moment in my memories,
An unintended meeting that never occur,
A romance that has yet to be fill,
A life to be with you.

2008-03-22T19:00:00.002+08:00

Prelude to the night to come. Is trouble brewing secretly or will it be just a breeze across?

Words doesn't match up to actions, actions doesn't match up to thinking and thinking doesn't match up to words. Cycle is the word to all.

Gave my single hood status a thought last night. Risky i would say in my position right now. What could i afford to them. I guess it would be hurt and negligence.

Will i be able to return back there again? A big question for me. What would they think? What would they do? Things will never be the same for us. Just memories that never fades.

2008-03-21T02:10:00.003+08:00

What is simplicity to you? Something which is plain,ordinary and not elaborated? Yet simplicity can be such an embellishment. What is complexity then ? Something more noticeable or prominent? Yet complexity can be so straightforward.

We always thought there was a clear line separating Simple and Complex, only few had seen it so closely linked.

Dear Julian,

Julian Julian, things are going to be tough in life. Don't bothered too much, live happily as you had always been. Live for what you love. All the food you love to cook and eat. Loving to share is a beauty but why let your excitement spilled over to others. It's boring to eat alone, that i understand. Come on, just wait a little longer.

Julian you are just like a book without a book cover. People likes to cover you with different covers. They judged you by the cover they liked you to wear, but no one had actually flipped and read the story written in you.

I know the affairs of life doesn't bother you much, you would be leaving anyway. Just a year time, who will remember or hear from you again. You be in a land of strangers, fighting it out for you future. We all know you couldn't wait to study over there. I believe it will be better over there. The food there is good too. Yummy.

Can't wait to speak to you again Julian. I know you will always be fine, still smiley, carefree and crazy over all the delicious looking stuff. Still you are the one and only Julian. Who knows you best? Just only me.

Love,
Julian

2008-03-09T13:33:00.003+08:00

It's raining. Where are you?

I have a strong disinclination for rainy days. I just love cloudy days. Rainy days just dampen the atmosphere in my heart. Rainy days are sad days. How is it so?

Cloudy days i plea you to be back into my life. I would like to take a walk in such a romantic weather with "you". I can't find "you" yet. Where is "you" ?

Being warm isn't a heartwarming feeling, yet feeling cold is a lonely feeling. Warmth is something physical however it can be so superficial in my cœur.

2008-03-01T22:45:00.002+08:00

Here it goes again.....

The same old story of a boy turns into an adult. After much years of chasing and pursuing, nothing much have yet change. Circling this hopeless cycle, the boy have been on his knees praying countlessly. How can someone so invigorated seem comatose?

Signed,
Julian

2008-02-23T22:12:00.002+08:00

Love is a song. It's the melody that attracted us together yet it's the word that let us understand another much more.

Been hiding all my hopes and dreams away, thinking i will be needing them some day.
All i wanna do is just to get a way back into love.

I need inspiration not just another negotiation. I am hoping you can show me what to do to start again.

Spending much thoughts in this matter really kill my brain cells badly. It's hardly worth anything but some fond old memories. Let's go on to a new voyage... uplifted feelings mixed with anxiety.

Love is to shoe laces,
unable to bear the weight alone,
often getting caught up in knots
hitherto we look beautiful together.

2008-02-20T22:25:00.002+08:00

Clear out my cupboard, threw away more than a dozen of old clothes yet it's still so full!!

I wanna get more shoes ! haha.... shoes are goody good. I wish i can have a new new wardrobe. Where i can compartmentalize all my stuff. hmmm... soon i hope.

I love 向日葵 !

I am bored.

Wishing to go camping by the riverside.

I would like to wear my white robe and do research again. awww... i miss those days of studying.

2008-02-18T20:13:00.002+08:00

oh my what should i do?

A sudden fickle accompany by the symphony of the mis leaded words turned disastrous. Regaining the former is impossible yet outshining is a much easier task. It's the made past that form us not the uncharted future.

Why rush against the flow, why dance in the rain? Trust your instinct and follow through. All will turn out well.

Smile is a simple word,
Smiling is a simple action,
Bringing a smile is a uphill task.

2008-02-17T20:46:00.002+08:00

Welcome to my world, won't you just step in ?

Loving you is easy, cause you are beautiful.

When you are sadden by the things around you, i can only say smile.

When you are sad, i will be sad.
When you cry, i will cry.
When you smile, i will smile.
When you are happy, i will be happy.
When you are hungry, i will cook for you. hee

2008-02-17T10:11:00.003+08:00

Have you came back recently? You felt like the weather or the climate in me. Guess it have affected me much. Like the weather like the clouds, like the winds and like the sun. Just like the weather today, it's so cloudy and windy. It either make my day or clear it all off.

When will the sun be back ?

All the time i am,
Learning to do,
Consideration.

2008-02-14T20:22:00.002+08:00

Well well.. what would i say ?

No comments.

I sign up for grade 1 piano. ha..... joining those young kids.

2008-02-13T20:08:00.003+08:00

Looking back at all the things i have been through. I tried very hard and gave my best. All this while i have been pursuing with my heart and soul. Just hoping to find the right one. Is it that hard? I have been waiting and waiting. It just tired me out. Why can't i just get the love i want? Having so much in my heart to pour for that special one person yet it come to nothing in the end. Am i that bad or what ? Am i gay ? Am i too feminine? Oh goshhh... i don't want all this.

Reaching for the top alone is useless.. All these joy, all these pain and yet who can i share them with ? People around me are getting attached. I feel useless. My words carries no strength, my actions are flawed while my life is empty.

I believe i don't deserve to fall in love.

There is a feeling in my heart, an itch, a silent whisper. Feeling so raw like it have always been. I just want something simple. I want to be a househusband to give them my all. I want to provide. But the whisper said : " You don't deserve it all. "

I feel ugly! Yucks !

Julian. sigh!

2008-02-13T09:21:00.000+08:00

Tired, dead beat! exhausted ! Eyes are shutting... argghghghghgh

Thy mind filled with vivid pictures of the elegance of hers. Absolutely charmed by the silver lining, addicted to the carefree less. It felt like grasping for the wind, which can't be held in my warm palms. Mind swirl in thy solitary thoughts. Unsureness,doubt with uneasiness.

Can i have one ?

2008-02-11T19:21:00.000+08:00

I haven't been feeling well for the past few days. hmmmmm... ate too much or otherwise ?

Today being the first day of my attachment and i was so tired and slack !! How can i carry on a life like this.

My mind is just of full of thoughts and ideas. But what are ideas when they can't be put into action. I longed for a romantic courtship and a loving relationship. It always been a dream and a target i am working towards. I believe i can do better than before, why can't i just find a chance?

Too caught up? Disillusion? Fear?

I have one chance but do i dare ? Stupid Julian.

I think i have fallen.

2008-02-08T23:18:00.000+08:00

Here it go again. The same old feeling of waiting and knowing how it would be. Is it that hard for me? Just me?

Been wondering, i assume that i am in such a rush. I should wait patiently right now. Thinking of all the things that is in my life, i believe good things come to those who worked for it and waited patiently.

Too tired to think, too lazy to type.

Everything will be fine!

2008-02-07T23:21:00.000+08:00

The day the kids love most !!! Ang baos. For the older ones are just gathering. I just realise how old am i !! Oh Gosh !!

I am so gonna cook breakfast tomorrow. I miss cooking! Have just learn that our mood affects our cooking. Chefs are people who are creative. I wanna cook good food: delicious food that is pretty and neat !! I would like to see people enjoying and smiling while they eat.

Food for my love,
Taste that give happiness,
Just for who ?
again ?

2008-02-07T12:03:00.000+08:00

Happy Lunar New Year.. And a lame Ashley greeted me hohohoho... merry christmas!!

waahaha. I am still waiting for my family to get all ready.

The fireworks last night at chinatown was beautiful, stunning i would say. Too bad i was the single guy there. hahaha... Bump into Mr Yong Chee Kheng with his pauline, that bugger !!

Let's get fat from now on... haha... hong bao ar !!

When can i have my sunflower? Chocolates will do too.

2008-02-06T22:59:00.000+08:00

hohohohoho.. New year Eve.. Red packets.. heeehee

Getting mixed up isn't that good, getting my thoughts clear out is even worse. Oh, when can i get to know what is going on? Living here yet half the time i am in my own mental slumber. Encouragement goes a long way, yet the encourager needs its own form of encouragement too. Smile and frown differ just in a line.

Would you buy me a sunflower?

2008-02-03T15:02:00.000+08:00

a sleepy Sunday... It's a raining day again. A sad sad sad day.... Recently i came across a Chinese song called "晴天娃娃" from Jay Zhou's Secret movie. It's sound so much like me, but a cheery version. I dislike raining days. Get away!!! There is no one to comfort me on a raining day. Where are you my love one?

Summer love. is it the time for love again? I am searching and seeking. It's okay i guess. Take it slow boy.

Growing an affection is easy, maintaining that feeling is tough. It gave me the crazy courage to move on, placing me on a tow of stride. Averaging on all things isn't my choice.

Sliver lining is where i wanna be,
Give me a chance,
Thanks